¿Ask Julio?

[Julio3000]

This—contrary to the reductive and violent wishes of el jefe—is meant as a complement (and compliment) to Cy's stellar thread . . . and Heyward's, um, thread. There are simply too many bad questions in the world for any one man to have to face them alone.

[The Chosen One]

I wanted this to be an Answer and Question thread, not a Question and Answer thread. Disappointment.

This spin-off is worse than the Shanks follow up article to Heyward. :mad0182:


---

But I digress. When are we going to see Julio vs. Cy Young ?

[Julio3000]

But I digress. When are we going to see Julio vs. Cy Young ?

When you have access to a working time machine.

[CyYoung31]

If I was going to make a list blog, what would be a good title for it?

I've tried Listology and Listionary, but those are already taken.

[Julio3000]

Listeria.

[jpx7]

If I was going to make a list blog, what would be a good title for it?

I've tried Listology and Listionary, but those are already taken.

Listicon.

[Julio3000]

If I was going to make a list blog, what would be a good title for it?

I've tried Listology and Listionary, but those are already taken.

Fatalist. Pluralist. Minimalist.

[Julio3000]

If I was going to make a list blog, what would be a good title for it?

I've tried Listology and Listionary, but those are already taken.

Clistoris. If it's that kind of party.

[CyYoung31]

Having seen that Fredi will be doing a live video chat, it got me thinking that me and Julio should have our own web show.

jpx7 can be our stat guy, or omniscient voice over.

[Julio3000]

Having seen that Fredi will be doing a live video chat, it got me thinking that me and Julio should have our own web show.

jpx7 can be our stat guy, or omniscient voice over.

Spaghetti Western overdubs.

[thethe]

I have nothing to add to this conversation. I just wanted to part of this epic moment in history.

[Julio3000]

me and Julio should have our own web show.

Join me, and together we can rule the web as father and son . . . or, at least as fake latino and unassuming, bespectacled pitching legend.

[weso1]

Why do some people think cucumbers taste better pickled?

[Julio3000]

Having seen that Fredi will be doing a live video chat, it got me thinking that me and Julio should have our own web show.

jpx7 can be our stat guy, or omniscient voice over.

The Ron Howard of our obviously arrested development.

[DjGrizz]

Are there modern day pirates? And if so, what should I do if I'm approached by one?

[Julio3000]

Why do some people think cucumbers taste better pickled?

My experience is that everything tastes better when you're a little drunk.

[Julio3000]

Are there modern day pirates?

Buccaneering isn't what it once was, so modern pirates are often forced to work in service-sector jobs during the day, and pirating at night. Day pirates are increasingly rare.


And if so, what should I do if I'm approached by one?

Given the historical diversity of those who choose the privateer's life, I'd say your best bet is to prepare yourself to confront many different exotic varieties of seamen.

[weso1]

When I was outside on the patio with my kids earlier was I technically a patiodaddio? And if so how big of an asshole was I during that time?

[weso1]

My experience is that everything tastes better when you're a little drunk.

Just to clarify. Do you mean like this guy?

http://winteriscoming.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/749725_GOT_HS_08.01.12_EP303_9047-1359138443712-A-1024x681.jpg

[Julio3000]

When I was outside on the patio with my kids earlier was I technically a patiodaddio?

Only if your kids were wearing berets and playing the bongos, dig? If they weren't your kids, you might be more of a zitothebrave.


And if so how big of an asshole was I during that time?

On the Bristol scale (© ESPN), somewhere between "Massive Gaper" and "Jerry Starke."

[Julio3000]

Just to clarify. Do you mean like this guy?

http://winteriscoming.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/749725_GOT_HS_08.01.12_EP303_9047-1359138443712-A-1024x681.jpg

[cymbal crash]

[jgriff3029]

Au Natural or manscaped?

[Julio3000]

Au Natural or manscaped?

Werewolf.

[Julio3000]

Au Natural or manscaped?

Oh, you mean ME?

[weso1]

How much pressure do you feel following Cy's succesful thread?

[Julio3000]

How much pressure do you feel following Cy's succesful thread?

None, as long as I stay drunk.

[DjGrizz]

Best beer?

[zitothebrave]

Best beer?

Guffaw there's only one person on this bored qualified to answer that

And yes that mistake was intentional.

[The Chosen One]

None, as long as I stay drunk.

Patio?

[Julio3000]

Best beer?

A malty stout with undertones of mustard, brewed from the tears of Mets fans.

[Julio3000]

Patio?

I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!

—a idiot op ad

[jpx7]

The Ron Howard of our obviously arrested development.

Him?

[Tapate50]

Babe Forum: Fad or Fixture?

[Julio3000]

Babe Forum: Fad or Fixture?

This question is going to require further study and close review of the source material. BRB.

[Dalyn]

Doctor Who?

[Julio3000]

Doctor Her?

[jpx7]

Who watches the watchers?

[Dalyn]

Doctor Her?


That's my guess.

[Julio3000]

Doctor Who?

Dan Uggla's personal physician?

[CyYoung31]

Dan Uggla's personal physician?

Now, that's a hoot.

[Julio3000]

Who watches the watchers?

A) Not enough people. It was cancelled.
B) I refuse to answer such a Juvenal question.
C) The National National Security Agency Security Agency
D) sturg33

[Tapate50]

Salty or Sweet?

[Julio3000]

Salty or Sweet?

Get over the Teixeira trade already.

[kingphatcow]

Why does Meta live in Thailand? And why does he feel the need to mention it every 7 seconds?

[Julio3000]

Why does Meta live in Thailand? And why does he feel the need to mention it every 7 seconds?

I'm not going to criticize Meta. There are no finer cats than he am.

[jpx7]

Why is CyYoung31 conspicuously avoiding definitively answering my question regarding the corpse that he planted last year in his garden — specifically whether it has begun to sprout and/or whether it will bloom this year?

[Dalyn]

Why is CyYoung31 conspicuously avoiding definitively answering my question regarding the corpse that he planted last year in his garden — specifically whether it has begun to sprout and/or whether it will bloom this year?

"I'm sure that in time, every bit of her will be gone and her death will be a mystery...even to me."

[kingphatcow]

I'm not going to criticize Meta. There are no finer cats than he am.

Cy Was right. You're not able to give me a good answer.

[Julio3000]

Why is CyYoung31 conspicuously avoiding definitively answering my question regarding the corpse that he planted last year in his garden — specifically whether it has begun to sprout and/or whether it will bloom this year?

You expected an answer? Out of this stony rubbish?

[jpx7]

You expected an answer? Out of this stony rubbish?

And yet we bramble on.

[BRule]

Jason Heyward is locked in a room and has to pick between cocaine, baseball and white girls with a phatty.....he can only pick one, what one does he pick?

[zitothebrave]

Jason Heyward is locked in a room and has to pick between cocaine, baseball and white girls with a phatty.....he can only pick one, what one does he pick?

none, because he doesn't love anything.

[jpx7]

What does zitothebrave love more: mustard, Dr Who, or answering your questions for you?

[zitothebrave]

What does zitothebrave love more: mustard, Dr Who, or answering your questions for you?

Yes

[Julio3000]

Jason Heyward is locked in a room and has to pick between cocaine, baseball and white girls with a phatty.....he can only pick one, what one does he pick?

The girls. Everybody's always complaining about how deep into the box he is.

Besides, he can't reach the plate with the cocaine on it.

[Julio3000]

Cy Was right. You're not able to give me a good answer.

Cy's usually right.

Still, it's too bad Meta's in Thailand. He'd probably know what this means: aquila non capit muscas.

[jpx7]

He'd probably know what this means: aquila non capit muscas.

Now you're just trifling.

[Julio3000]

Now you're just trifling.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rve9-hrt_E

[elmonthc]

Julio, were you born awesome or has it taken years to become so?

[jpx7]

Precisely how deep is "mobb-deep"?

[elmonthc]

Also, why did they cancel Legend of tge Seeker?

[Julio3000]

Julio, were you born awesome or has it taken years to become so?

I awesomed myself up by my bootstraps.

[jgriff3029]

If PD and JerryStarke had a conversation on the scout board, whose head would it take place in?

[CyYoung31]

Julio, don't steal all of my momentum while I'm gone. Or else imma delete this thread.

[DjGrizz]

Julio, don't steal all of my momentum while I'm gone. Or else imma delete this thread.

Just post and drive. Prove you're a good multi-tasker!

[BremanFan88]

Julio, can you instruct me on the Douglas?

[Julio3000]

Precisely how deep is "mobb-deep"?

Not just knee deep,
metaphysically deep.

[Julio3000]

Julio, don't steal all of my momentum while I'm gone. Or else imma delete this thread.

Do what you have to do. Ima just tell everybody you deleted all of my non-lame answers anyway.

[Julio3000]

If PD and JerryStarke had a conversation on the scout board, whose head would it take place in?

Trick question. Conversations initiated by said gentleman emanate from another another orifice entirely.

[The Chosen One]

Julio, don't steal all of my momentum while I'm gone. Or else imma delete this thread.

I'd like to see you try. :icwudt:

[Julio3000]

Also, why did they cancel Legend of tge Seeker?

They had doubts if the show's producers even loved Terry Goodkind.

[Julio3000]

Julio, can you instruct me on the Douglas?

Sadly, no, since my understanding is that in order to provide proper instruction in the Dougie, it is a prerequisite for the entirety of *****dom to love me.

However, I observe that, to become proficient at the Douglas,
one would be well-served to cultivate friends like
Dan Uggla's: http://i1239.photobucket.com/albums/ff511/poinsett/84215642-Lil-Jon-amp-Dan-Uggla_zpsd592fa8d.jpg

[Dalyn]

They had doubts if the show's producers even loved Terry Goodkind.

No one loves Terry Goodkind more than Terry Goodkind.

[Dalyn]

Whatever happened to Vladimir Alexandrov?

[CyYoung31]

Are you related to julio205?

[CyYoung31]

I'd like to see you try. :icwudt:

You wouldn't believe what I'm capable of.

[The Chosen One]

Are you related to julio205?

THAT WAS MY NEXT QUESTION. :Gasp:

[Heyward]

Does Heyward love baseball?

[Dalyn]

Why does the world's most powerful computer wear little red sneakers?

[CyYoung31]

Does Heyward love baseball?

I've already answered this. Unless you're talking about yourself.

[Julio3000]

Whatever happened to Vladimir Alexandrov?

No one knows. Based on his globe-trotting and reported sartorial style, I suspect that he may have been a Time Hater (http://www.comedycentral.com/video-clips/jktbrs/chappelle-s-show-greatest-misses---haters-in-time).

[Julio3000]

Are you related to julio205?

Julio205 es mi hijo mas pequeno.

When he realizes the great power that is his true inheritance, he will join me here and overthrow the Moderator, and together we will rule the forum as padre e hijo.

[Julio3000]

Does Heyward love baseball?

Only if it's free baseball.

[jgriff3029]

Who did let the dogs out?

[Julio3000]

Who did let the dogs out?

The Artist Formerly Known as Patiodaddio.

[Julio3000]

Why does the world's most powerful computer wear little red sneakers?

Computers are never going to become self-aware and take over the world until they stop caring about kicks and bling.

/Ask AA

[Julio3000]

Only if it's free baseball.

Too subtle?

[elmonthc]

I've already answered this. Unless you're talking about yourself.

Unless Julio answers it its not really been answered yet.

[CyYoung31]

Unless Julio answers it its not really been answered yet.

What has Julio done but rip-off a superior poster?

[jpx7]

Edison or Tesla?

[Julio3000]

Edison or Tesla?

Since I've been taken to the woodshed by Cy, I'd have to say Heine Hertz.

[DjGrizz]

Break it up!

[weso1]

Are you 100% sure that you love message board posting?

[Julio3000]

Are you 100% sure that you love message board posting?

Not really. If the Scout board offered a decent situational poster and a couple of B prospects, you'd have to listen.

[DjGrizz]

Why is Cy neglecting us in his Q&A thread????

[Julio3000]

Why is Cy neglecting us in his Q&A thread????

He's just like your dad. Nothing you do is ever going to be good enough.

[DjGrizz]

Sad face

[The Chosen One]

Not really. If the Scout board offered a decent situational poster and a couple of B prospects, you'd have to listen.

The problem is, the farm system is drained there?

[jpx7]

Why is Fearless Leader – he of the clan Stark(e), he of the shifting handles, he of the Bored Chair – so obsessed with the imputing of flirtation?

[Julio3000]

Why is Fearless Leader – he of the clan Stark(e), he of the shifting handles, he of the Bored Chair – so obsessed with the imputing of flirtation?

He's thinking of the grandmas.

And getting a warm feeling.

[elmonthc]

Is brule black or white?

[Julio3000]

Sorry, I missed this somehow.


Is brule black or white?

I was going to say black, but he loves Joe Budden so much I'll have to go with white.

There's only one way to know for sure. Ask him to email a picture of his pecker to jstarke at patio daddio dot com and I'll let you know.

[jpx7]

More deserving of funding: the postal service or The Postal Service?

[Julio3000]

More deserving of funding: the postal service or The Postal Service?

Tough call. One is an outdated, almost anachronistic organization which has struggled to stay relevant amidst a rapidly-shifting electronic landscape, often alienating even its staunchest supporters with outrageous wait times. The other has some onerous pension responsibilities, but will still deliver a letter across the country for 46 cents.

[jpx7]

When will some realize they have been had?

[The Chosen One]

We know AA is back, but how do we know if he is still pissed?

[Julio3000]

We know AA is back, but how do we know if he is still pissed?

There is a mutitude of evidence that he is pissed, but there are some peope who sti aren't convinced that he's back.

[Julio3000]

When will some realize they have been had?

As soon as Obama rolls out sharia law and rules the country under his true name, Sheikh Ayub Bin Haad.

[The Chosen One]

How are you a business owner and yet still lean on the liberal side? That defies conservative logic.

[Julio3000]

How are you a business owner and yet still lean on the liberal side? That defies conservative logic.

Well, I'm an "owner" in the sense that I have a share in a employee-owned collective that runs a bicycle-powered marijuana dispensary/abortion clinic.

[jpx7]

Whatever happened to savory gelatin salads?

[Julio3000]

Whatever happened to savory gelatin salads?

The whole gelatin salad movement is on shaky ground.

[Julio3000]

Come on, we're open for business here.


http://youtu.be/SP_9zH9Q44o

[The Chosen One]

Is fast food an integral part of 'Murican Culture? And if so, why?

[Julio3000]

Ask again later. I'm having some minor shoulder and urethra issues right now.

[Julio3000]

Is fast food an integral part of 'Murican Culture? And if so, why?

Yes. How the **** do you think we won the Cold War?

President Christie expressed this most eloquently during his first inaugural address, when he said:

"Mmmmmmmmmnomnomnomnomnomnom."

before announcing his plans to open America's Strategic Sodium Reserves.

[The Chosen One]

Yes. How the **** do you think we won the Cold War?

President Christie expressed this most eloquently during his first inaugural address, when he said:

"Mmmmmmmmmnomnomnomnomnomnom."

before announcing his plans to open America's Strategic Sodium Reserves.

Did Christie know first-hand about the Bridgegate?

How do you think Christie felt about Bloomberg's Big Gulp ban in NYC?

[Julio3000]

How do you think Christie felt about Bloomberg's Big Gulp ban in NYC?

"This is a classic example of big government trying to...aw fuggit, more for me!"

[Julio3000]

How do you think Christie felt about Bloomberg's Big Gulp ban in NYC?

Christy Canyon filed a lawsuit alleging restraint of trade.

[Mrs. Meta]

If Julios Franco and Iglesias had a baby, what would it be called?

[Julio3000]

Did Christie know first-hand about the Bridgegate?

That really has the sound of a second-hand job.

[The Chosen One]

Did you force any sports on your kids when they were young?

[Julio3000]

If Julios Franco and Iglesias had a baby, what would it be called?

Unprecedented.

[The Chosen One]

Is Barack Obama black or white?

How about Johnny Mathis?

[Julio3000]

Did you force any sports on your kids when they were young?

Mods, please move to "Ask Zito."

[Julio3000]

Is Barack Obama black or white?

Trick question. Everybody knows he's red.

[Julio3000]

How about Johnny Mathis?

Remember that putative child of Julio Franco and Julio Iglesias?

[Mrs. Meta]

What is the difference between ice cream and a frozen dairy dessert?

I've had both and cannot tell the difference. :Sad:

[Julio3000]

What is the difference between ice cream and a frozen dairy dessert?

I've had both and cannot tell the difference. :Sad:

Ice cream: Justin Upton
Frozen Dairy Dessert: BJ Upton

Smoother and with less fat content, but missing a lot of the good stuff.

[The Chosen One]

Seems like Justin Upton melted after we took him out of the freezer in April.

[zitothebrave]

Seems like Justin Upton melted after we took him out of the freezer in April.

http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110425101347/scrubs/images/d/d0/Moment-killer.gif