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In the fifth grade I farted in the middle of story time.
To this day that is still my most embarrassing moment. And it's not just because I farted in front of all my peers in a place where farts are unacceptable. It's because I tried to play it off like it never happened. Imo, it's better to just own it. I will never forget the looks I got that day.
I don't know, I have little shame and own just about everything that happens. I think one of the things that got me was getting caught by my friends on a bad walk of shame. But **** I didn't care still
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeUBR3v_0Cg&feature=kp
I sat in the back in calc in 9th grade. Back 5th seat, 1st column out of 6. 30 students in the class that day, I was the one in the far back left. Around the time Halo 2 came out on X-Box I was playing until 3-4 in the morning on Live building up my rank. Game was very addicting. I put my head down and dozed off in class that day. I was dreaming when I heard my teacher's voice wake me up. She called my name about 10 times, and all I remember was my eyes opening (like in the movies) and seeing 29 other pairs of eyes looking at me, one of my crushes who sat adjacent to me also looking right at me.
I remember playing little league ball when I was 12, had two embarrassing moments. One time playing 3B, got up to a ground ball and then airmailed the throw about 20 feet over the first basemen. We were already winning the game 10-1 and it was a tourney game and I just remember everyone laughing including my mom and sister. That was the first time I played 3rd Base the entire season because of an injury. Played CF and 2B all year. Also I think in the semi's of one of the games, we ran out of pitchers so coach threw me in there because I had a decent arm. First pitch I tried to throw as hard as I could, and it ended up going like 10 feet over the catcher's head. I had to laugh at that myself, but I ended up going 1-2-3 in the inning.
Back in the day before I was a pimp, I had trouble getting girls because I was so shy. I had never had a girlfriend or anything and one day during high school my friend hit me up and said him and his girlfriend were going to come over to my house with this girl from school who had a crush on me. This girl was really cute and I had no idea she had a crush on me since I didn't really know her very well. It probably wasn't even 5 minutes later and they were at my house. I was freaking out. I didn't even have time to think about how my room still looked like a 10 year old's room. So my mom lets them in and they come into my room. The girl just like slowly does a 1080* around my room with a look of :Gasp:
My room was decked out in Nascar at the time. I had like die cast cars racing on a shelf and getting into a wreck with one flipped over. I had Nascar posters everywhere. I had like a scene set up with action figures where Hulk Hogan was beating up Jake the Snake Roberts. I mean there was like a 49ers helmet full of gumballs. My room was a disaster and was unchanged for years because I was lazy.
As I see the look on her face I just :facepalm:. My buddy was like "Yeah....lets get out of here". We end up walking up to the school while the girl just kept asking me questions about my room. Once we got to the school there were some seniors that she knew and she ran up to them and liked jumped all over them and then she left with them. :Sad:
Instead of :cooter: I was still stuck :pound: so I immediately went home and tore all my stuff off the walls and put all that junk on ebay.
Best story ever.Quote:
Originally Posted by ESP47
This is how I imagine ESP's reaction to that situation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aA2JZz1p6Q
I was given the part of the narrator in the school play, since I think I might have been judged to be the only kid who could memorize all of the lines. I had a flypaper memory but was deathly shy and was terrified of being on stage. So, on the night of the show, waiting in the wings, I got so nervous that I peed in my pants. Not a little trickle here, but total relief. (It felt great, by the way. I recommend it if one's ever in a similar situation and can get away with it). So I roll out to my place at the very front of the stage, spotlight shining, and deliver my many lines with reasonable aplomb. Well, it went ok, I'm thinking. Maybe no one even noticed, I'm thinking.
The following week the school posted the pictures from the program on the bulletin board in the central hallway. There I am in the pictures, wearing khaki pants, sporting a highly contrasting dark spot that covered most of my front.
I was so embarrassed that I had to transfer schools before my senior year.
Just kidding. I was in second grade. It was still pretty horrific.
I spose my cerebral palsy should give me an excuse for the following three situations, which pretty much cover all known bodily functions to me, (urination, defecation {slight}, and ejaculation!) but these memories still make me cringe, so here you go!
#1 (as it truly was):
Was crashing at a friend's house over the weekend and laying down on his couch (which was thankfully going to be replaced anyway, Lol). So yeah, laying there after taking my medically prescribed cocktail of carisoprodol and hydrocodone (not much else touches my 24-7 muscle spasms, tbh), and felt very relaxed...too relaxed. I wasn't really even that worried honestly; I'm much more concerned with my bowels moving with compassion without me than spraying like a Zito firehose after one too many beers...but I digress! But yeah, totally laying there n all the sudden I spy a wet spot protruding out on to my t-shirt (I was laying sideways on the couch). I looked over at Jimmy, he looked at me, and I'm pretty sure we (wee?) both thought the same thing. Nothing was said, but I immediately got up and showered into a change of clothes I had brought over for the weekend anyway. To this day, he's never said anything about it; but he doesn't have to...we both know the truth.
#2 (as it unfortunately also was)
I was with a girl (could this story have a better beginning?), and not too worried about anything along these lines as I had previously...unloaded my cargo. We were both in a time crunch for this date and had agreed not to spend too much time (or money) on dinner; the fun was to be had at the movie later...and whatever would happen afterwards...heh...yeah...about that. Anyway, to this day, this was the one and only time I had ever eaten a soft-shelled taco from taco bell, because not 20 minutes later, compassion was once again upon me. Not gonna lie; I could feel the gurgling, and in her no car no less! Thankfully (DEPENDING on how you want to look at it), I was wearing protection under my boxers (imported adult diapers ftw! Depends actually suck). This stomach gurgling of mine had gotten to the point where it was umm actually audible and the girl looked over to me and asked me if I needed to go to the bathroom; I responded in the only truthful way I could:
"I already am."
The night didn't actually end as badly as I might've thought. Turns out the girl had already assumed I had issues along those lines (hello wheelchair I guess? Haha). Anyway, I had a change I could believe in, an we just sorta talked for hours that night, because what is a better conversation starter than crapping oneself?
#3
This is gotta be the most painful one (literally, figuratively). Long story short, I grew up in a really religious environment and as such, felt oh so guilty for my fapsturbation...but probably not for the usual reasons. To further cut to the chase, when I get stiff, my body (and especially legs) follow suit. This pretty much leads to abject pain before, during, and after teh sexing. So as a young teenager, I was indeed relieving myself...of pain. Of course, during said relief, pain was still present, but you get the idea! So yeah, one night I talked to my dad (who was also my doctor at the time) and was like boom. Much to my surprise, he told me not to worry about it, just to make sure I was discreet n what not....haha!
Cliffnotes: Sis had apparently seen me in the moment, unbeknownst to me, and had told mom. You can imagine the hilarity n hijinks that ensued in a very religious household.
"Do you a porn problem?!"
"...no, but I was looking at forums when I...."
"And just what are forums?!"
"Umm...baseball...basketball...football...discussi ons about fully-clothed athletes?"
My dad lost it at this point (mom told him this was no laughing matter and that maybe I needed to take something to lower my testosterone--which only made him laugh...harder).
Anyway, I offered to give her and the family a very real physical demonstration of what happens to my body (legs) but they seemed to take me at my word, and I left to my room feeling fabulously flaccid.
Y'all might wonder why I'd share any of this, but I dunno, cerebral palsy has taught be my harsh (repeated) experience that for my own sake, I just really can't (and don't) get embarrassed anymore.
...y'all got nothing on me. :Sad:
If it makes you feel better, one of my more embarrassing moments owning this site, was when you posted that AA callout thread with all that awful vulgarity, and knowing I couldn't delete it because it was in the Wild Wild West forum. lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Meta
I think you got like 100 views and no comments. I think everyone was just speechless.
:Alone:
Haha!Quote:
Originally Posted by KeithLockhart
You know it admittedly takes a lot for me to feel embarrassed (see above obviously), but yeah, about an hour after posting that thread I felt the shame fer shure.
I mean, I could still (and did) laugh at it, but then felt bad for laughing.
Apologies again, AA!
I thought you were a chick this whole time. WTF?
Well that makes your spanking to his posts I little more awkward huh?Quote:
Originally Posted by ESP47
Uh yeah, the Nascar community is not very welcoming to the gheys.
Errybody knows the onlything not straight about Nascar is the track.Quote:
Originally Posted by ESP47
http://pic20.picturetrail.com/VOL141.../392707627.jpgQuote:
Originally Posted by ESP47
Haha if nocalgirl turns out to be a dude, I'm really going to be in trouble.
I thought Mrs. Meta was the other Meta's girlfriend/wife/ladyboy.
Were you on Scout Mrs. Meta? If so, under what name?
Not a %100 sure, but I think he was GenericBravesFan on scout.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hawk
Yessir, and I owe you for bringing over here!Quote:
Originally Posted by TURBO
I dunno, at the risk of sounding too punny, my old handle really was too...generic...for my tastes, and I guess Mrs. Meta just sorta sounded funny; Weso agreed so that's all I needed.
MikeAdams, however, did compliment me on my former screen name; I miss that man. :Sad: