Hey A. J. ...

[GovClintonTyree]

We're 6-19 now. How's the mood in the clubhouse? As a guy directly responsible for, like, five of those losses, how's your mood?

In light of the front office's current strategy of bringing up four new stiffs a week, how's your veteran leadership going over? And is there any chance you're the next stiff to go?

[Millwood1Hitter]

Everything is better than it seems, we're in great shape and we believe in our leader, and our manager to take us to the promised land. Give us another hour and we will be dominating like Ogando in a gay bar.

[Anthony J. Pierzynski]

We're 6-19 now. How's the mood in the clubhouse? As a guy directly responsible for, like, five of those losses, how's your mood?

In light of the front office's current strategy of bringing up four new stiffs a week, how's your veteran leadership going over? And is there any chance you're the next stiff to go?

Those words really sting, man.

People think that just because I'm a highly-paid, elite-level professional athlete and a multimillionaire with perfect skin and hair that a Gainesville coed would permanently disfigure a roommate for—basically an ubermensch—that I don't feel the sting of hurtful words. My therap—er, awesomeness coach—has really encouraged me to gracefully accept constructive criticism, and I'm trying to do that, but it's hard when your critics are a bunch of doughy neckbeard ***** who couldn't play the man's game if their tiny, malformed penises depended on it.

So maybe, to the untrained eye, I've had some issues with the glove this year. Three words, baby: small sample size. Just because it appears that I can't catch a popup, you've got to just do like my homie John Whatsisface says and be patient. The odds say I'm going to catch almost all of the rest of them this year. Am I right, nerds?

If I'm directly responsible for 5 of those 19 losses, who is responsible for the other 14, huh? 14 is more than 5, right, stat nerds? The Mexican at 3B can't catch or throw the ball, our SS is ****, Jeff ******* Francoeur is starting in the outfield and our mostly Canadian goofball franchise player is ****ing the bed, but you want to step to AJ?

As for the personnel moves that were recently made, what makes you think that my veteran leadership wasn't responsible for that ****? Am I the next to go? Have you ever seen Glengarry Glen Ross? Well, me neither, but I've watched Alec Baldwin's speech on Youtube maybe 400 times and I delivered it letter for letter to the gang this weekend. John and John are Mitch and Murray and I'm Alec Baldwin. Guess what? Jace Peterson won a set of steak knives and Drew Stubbs finished third. It's **** or walk time, gentlemen, and Anthony J. is a two-time all-star and a one-time 30th place MVP finisher who clocks seven figures, bangs hot chicks, and leads men. That's who I am, pal, and you're nothing. And look—we tied the punk-ass Cubs this weekend, so mission ****ing accomplished. I expect that we'll win at least one of every three games going forward, but I don't expect that you cunts will be satisfied with that. So I'm going to go out on a limb and say that AJ is going to do AJ and the rest of these pussies are going to sink or swim according to their bull**** abilities, which are only enhanced by their proximity to a winner like me. If they're ****, buddy, that's on them. When AJ puts one finger down and some wet-behind-the-ears AAA ****** can't miss a bat, whose fault is that? I'm not mentioning any names, Mike Foltwhatever, but we all know where the responsibility ends up. The guy on the hill, and Fredi Gonzales. Man up or get the **** off my field.

So, in summation, let it be known that the constructive criticism of my homies here at chopcountry is always welcomed, unless it's a bull**** biased hatchet job like the Governor's post in which case I say, like I once did to Ozzie Guillen, eat my **** you dribbling-**** ****toy ****eating ****-*** ****-gargling ****** sister******* distended *******.

AJ out.

[GovClintonTyree]

This **** just never gets old. I'm at dinner with a group, absentmindedly flip over to this thread and start giggling uncontrollably.

AJ, don't change. And remember, none other than Fredi Gonzalez has tapped you as a future manager, so keep leading.

[Anthony J. Pierzynski]

Thanks for giving me a little extra motivation last night, dickhole. Not that I need it, or anything.

You know why Wisler did so good? Because he is scared ****less of me. He is gonna STFU and throw it at the target, because he's on the Awesome Juice Program. AJP, mother****er.

Back in the lineup Friday. Bank it.