Braves
1. Markakis RF His OBP is absolutely the only thing exciting about him.
2. Callaspo 3B Not Gosselin, anyway.
3. Freeman 1B Votto Lite
4. Pierzynski C All-Star Jerk. Asshole Juggernaut. Awesome Jackass. The Michelob Mauler. Enjoy it while it lasts. He's probably going to get a WS ring this year.
5. Kelly Johnson LF Currently our most impressive Johnson.
6. Peterson 2B Why not?
7. Simmons SS Think of it as being the second #3 hitter.
8. Eric Young, Jr. Really? Fuuuuuuck.
9. Mike Foltynewicz Go get 'em, kiddo.
Reds
1. Hamilton CF More HR than Nick Markakis.
2. Cozart SS Not Simmons
3. Votto 1B Freeman Diesel—more walks, more maturity, authentically Canadian.
4. Frazier 3B Yeah, Chip, no one's ever thought of "Down goes Frazier!"
5. Bruce RF Whatever.
6. Phillips 2B Once traded for Bartolo Colon, and might be again.
7. Byrd LF. Almost a Brave in the past. Definitely a juicer. Probably a Brave next year.
8. Pena C Yunel's companero. Still in the bigs, still mocking us.
9. DeSclafani P
I suppose it's fitting to play the Reds on May Day, but let's hope the blue-collar Braves will show up and do work.
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Originally Posted by TURBO
