I spose my cerebral palsy should give me an excuse for the following three situations, which pretty much cover all known bodily functions to me, (urination, defecation {slight}, and ejaculation!) but these memories still make me cringe, so here you go!
#1 (as it truly was):
Was crashing at a friend's house over the weekend and laying down on his couch (which was thankfully going to be replaced anyway, Lol). So yeah, laying there after taking my medically prescribed cocktail of carisoprodol and hydrocodone (not much else touches my 24-7 muscle spasms, tbh), and felt very relaxed...too relaxed. I wasn't really even that worried honestly; I'm much more concerned with my bowels moving with compassion without me than spraying like a Zito firehose after one too many beers...but I digress! But yeah, totally laying there n all the sudden I spy a wet spot protruding out on to my t-shirt (I was laying sideways on the couch). I looked over at Jimmy, he looked at me, and I'm pretty sure we (wee?) both thought the same thing. Nothing was said, but I immediately got up and showered into a change of clothes I had brought over for the weekend anyway. To this day, he's never said anything about it; but he doesn't have to...we both know the truth.
#2 (as it unfortunately also was)
I was with a girl (could this story have a better beginning?), and not too worried about anything along these lines as I had previously...unloaded my cargo. We were both in a time crunch for this date and had agreed not to spend too much time (or money) on dinner; the fun was to be had at the movie later...and whatever would happen afterwards...heh...yeah...about that. Anyway, to this day, this was the one and only time I had ever eaten a soft-shelled taco from taco bell, because not 20 minutes later, compassion was once again upon me. Not gonna lie; I could feel the gurgling, and in her no car no less! Thankfully (DEPENDING on how you want to look at it), I was wearing protection under my boxers (imported adult diapers ftw! Depends actually suck). This stomach gurgling of mine had gotten to the point where it was umm actually audible and the girl looked over to me and asked me if I needed to go to the bathroom; I responded in the only truthful way I could:
"I already am."
The night didn't actually end as badly as I might've thought. Turns out the girl had already assumed I had issues along those lines (hello wheelchair I guess? Haha). Anyway, I had a change I could believe in, an we just sorta talked for hours that night, because what is a better conversation starter than crapping oneself?
#3
This is gotta be the most painful one (literally, figuratively). Long story short, I grew up in a really religious environment and as such, felt oh so guilty for my fapsturbation...but probably not for the usual reasons. To further cut to the chase, when
I get stiff, my body (and especially legs) follow suit. This pretty much leads to abject pain before, during, and after teh sexing. So as a young teenager, I was indeed relieving myself...of pain. Of course, during said relief, pain was still present, but you get the idea! So yeah, one night I talked to my dad (who was also my doctor at the time) and was like boom. Much to my surprise, he told me not to worry about it, just to make sure I was discreet n what not....haha!
Cliffnotes: Sis had apparently seen me in the moment, unbeknownst to me, and had told mom. You can imagine the hilarity n hijinks that ensued in a very religious household.
"Do you a porn problem?!"
"...no, but I was looking at forums when I...."
"And just what are forums?!"
"Umm...baseball...basketball...football...discussions about fully-clothed athletes?"
My dad lost it at this point (mom told him this was no laughing matter and that maybe I needed to take something to lower my testosterone--which only made him laugh...harder).
Anyway, I offered to give her and the family a very real physical demonstration of what happens to my body (legs) but they seemed to take me at my word, and I left to my room feeling fabulously flaccid.
Y'all might wonder why I'd share any of this, but I dunno, cerebral palsy has taught be my harsh (repeated) experience that for my own sake, I just really can't (and don't) get embarrassed anymore.
...y'all got nothing on me.
. My buddy was like "Yeah....lets get out of here". We end up walking up to the school while the girl just kept asking me questions about my room. Once we got to the school there were some seniors that she knew and she ran up to them and liked jumped all over them and then she left with them. 
I was still stuck 
so I immediately went home and tore all my stuff off the walls and put all that junk on ebay.
