Andrelton Simmons posts on the SweetSpot Blog?

mcollier

High School Draftee
I read a bit of the David Schoenfield baseball chat from a few days ago and found this quote from "Andrelton Simmons, Mechanicsville, GA." I thought it was worth sharing in its entirety.

Andrelton Simmons (Mechanicsville, GA)

Look, Johnny Gomes scares me. A.J. Pierzynski REALLY scares me. Bethy and Jace and me, we're hustling to first and trying to break up the double play at second because we don't wanna (tick) those dudes off. Heck, Callaspo came in to camp looking like Kung Fu Panda's less athletic brother, and now look at him - he's like freakin' Usain Bolt all of a sudden.The point is, you want to talk about how we're maybe the 29th worst team in baseball? Second only to the Phillies? You're not paying attention, or maybe you're just paying attention to the wrong stuff. Yeah, we lost three of our quote-unquote best hitters to trades, but you may have noticed it didn't take much to make that list on our team last year. You might also notice that some guys, like me and Angry Chris Johnson, had pretty down offensive years last year and are maybe due for some regression. You might further notice that our starting pitching and bullpen have thus far given every indication that they can equal the numbers put up by last year's good-but-not-great arms.Most of all, you might notice that we have the best record in the National League, and that the focus and intensity with which we're playing the game (so that Gomes and A.J. don't beat us up) is palpable on the field and seems, to this point, to be translating into Royals-esque success on the field in every aspect of the game. Wil we win the division, or even a wild card? Probably not. But if you think the fact that nine out of every ten sportswriters in the country projected us to be on par with the Phillies - THE PHILLIES! - doesn't grate on us like a rock in our sock, doesn't give us every possible reason to give that much more effort, to leg out every grounder, to take every extra base, then you're not paying attention.Our offense last year wasn't just crap, it was boring. Are you not entertained?We WILL play hard every day. We WILL put in the extra effort that other teams think they don't have to. We WILL stay loose, even as Bryce Harper alienates his entire team and Matt Williams' TMJ threatens to shatter his tense little skull and the Washington Nationals underachieve as they do almost every year, possibly because you guys keep calling them Sweet Baby Jesus and setting them up to fail.We will not be terrible. We will beat last year's Braves win total of 79. We might even break .500. And then, as those who laughed at us prepare to revise history, we will walk away with our headphones on and go get ready to come back and own this league again by 2017. If not earlier.I'm not kidding, man. Those dudes scare me.


:tchop:
 
The chances of that being Simmons are equal to the chances that A J from this board is the real AJ.

After his dismal showing in YNOT, I will be surprised he play or see again.

It is like Stone Cold Steve Austin jawing at a wrestler after he did his stunner on and then whimpers when reality hits him.
 
The chances of that being Simmons are equal to the chances that A J from this board is the real AJ.

What is "real"? Are you familiar with the "many-worlds" interpretation of quantum mechanics, by any chance?

In one possible iteration of the universe, the "real" AJ Pierzynski might post a picture of his dick and ask you to ask your wife if it was legit.
 
Maybe, but makes you wonder about the types of people who devote their time to doing this and setting up fake Twitter accounts.

What does it make you wonder? If they'd rather be huffy, abrasive cranks who are mad at 98.7% of the internet, and choose to devote their time to telling the world so?
 
What does it make you wonder? If they'd rather be huffy, abrasive cranks who are mad at 98.7% of the internet, and choose to devote their time to telling the world so?

Either set up a fake blog/Twitter account, posing as a sports figure or be a huffy, abrasive crank. So those are the only 2 choices? Must add that the "98.7%" was a nice touch though. Makes it seem more accurate. Hey, don't let me stand in the way of your having a good time. At least you're not doing something destructive, like holding up a liquor store.
 
What is "real"? Are you familiar with the "many-worlds" interpretation of quantum mechanics, by any chance?

In one possible iteration of the universe, the "real" AJ Pierzynski might post a picture of his dick and ask you to ask your wife if it was legit.

Beautiful.

Not your dick. That's tiny. I do think you should receive some sort of "Rookie Poster of the Year" award, Tony.

May I call you Tony? If not, how about "Dick?"
 
Beautiful.

Not your dick. That's tiny. I do think you should receive some sort of "Rookie Poster of the Year" award, Tony.

May I call you Tony? If not, how about "Dick?"

Oh, sure, Governor. You're just trying to get a rise out of me so I'll threaten you, and then you'll sic your security goons on me. I've played this little game before.* I'm disappointed that an elected official would stoop so low. Just like I'm disappointed that Phil Neikro is gonna take shots at me when he seemed like such a nice old guy when we chatted at the home opener. It's like y'all are trying to chirp in my ear and piss me off and get me off my game. I'll tell you this for free—that kind of **** can really damage your reputation.

Like I said, I'm trying to be the best AJ I can be. Sometimes that takes the help of professionals and psychoactive drugs, but that's neither here nor there, man. Maybe you guys heard about how I organized a team trip to the 9/11 Museum on the off day? That's just the kind of **** a leader does. Anyway, I'm trying to get my AJ on, and you motherf—sorry, you folks here seem to do nothing but pick fights and start ****.

*possibly on the back nine of Medinah, courtesy of that prick Mayor Daley. You'll have to wait for the book to find out the whole story. Larry Jones is setting up a meeting with his publisher for me while we're in NY.
 
All right, Tony. No problem.

And it's just like it was in high school- you hit .391, you can provide as much veteran leadership as you want. The little pu$$ies just have to take it.

So why do they keep starting Bethancourt instead of you? ****er can't hit water from a boat. Maybe you should impress on Fredi the fat **** the difference in leadership that you provide.
 
All right, Tony. No problem.

And it's just like it was in high school- you hit .391, you can provide as much veteran leadership as you want. The little pu$$ies just have to take it.

So why do they keep starting Bethancourt instead of you? ****er can't hit water from a boat. Maybe you should impress on Fredi the fat **** the difference in leadership that you provide.

:fredi:

Did I do that right?
 
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