We used this over at another site.. this isn't all my work..
A.S.S (Attention Seeking Success) - Responses Generated/Attention Seeking Post. 10 is considered excellent (i.e. 10 responses for every attention seeking post). At the end of each year, the biggest A.S.S. earns “Moth Incineration Award.”
E.V.A (Earned Verbiage Average) - Average number of words in a post X 9/number of posts. Unlike ERA, the higher the number the more one qualifies for the “Droning Award.”
V.A.R (Vitriol Above Replacement) - The sum of vein-popping rants found in any post divided by all posts. Like baseball, if you have a .300 average you likely have self-control issues, but are in line for the “Bucket of Venom Spit Award.”
F/CF (Fabricating/Caught Fabricating) - Number of attempts to prove a point by making up stuff/fabrications revealed. In general, if you can get away with 20% fabrications, consider yourself vindicated in a lip-synched sort of way.
M.V.P (Most Victimized Poster) - Threads initiated stating a point view/umbrage taken when the point of view is not worshiped, but challenged. If you can maintain a .400 average in this category, you have a shot at drinking from the “Chalice of the Aggrieved” and earning immortality in “MirrorLand.”
I.R.I (I’m Right Index) - Total number of threads initiated for the purpose of pointing out one’s genius/all threads initiated. This number is often incalculable, but the winner also gets immortality in “MirrorLand” where hopefully he/she/it can coexist with the M.V.P.
BSCA (Bat Crazy Award) - Percentage of total posts with extraordinary lunacy passed off as reality/number of alternate universes occupied by the person posting. The award is always presented by a life-sized cutout of Rod Serling passed off as a real person.
R.C.I. (Roster Change Index) - The number of roster moves demanded, including managerial firings/the numerical rank of each month that a roster move was demanded + the Defcon Level of the demand for change (5-1). Points are tallied at the end of each month. At the end of the season, the highest total earns the beautiful "Hyper Distraction Award" ornamented with an image of a puppy in a room full of bouncing balls.
Earned Accolades Average (EAA) - The number of posts in anonymity about private life prowess X 9/Successful efforts to actually try and validate that prowess in anonymity with no proof. This actually can never be calculated since the divider is always "0." Regardless, at the end of each year the total number of posts about private life prowess is added up and the winner receives the "Leap of Faith Award."
Delusional Trade Index (DTI) - A plus/minus calculation based on the differentiator between the value of a player to be traded versus the value of the talent sought from other teams. Typically this skews heavily against the team with the talent being sought as trades are proposed offering the dregs of your team for top-tier talent on other teams. Winner gets the coveted "Covet Award" ornamented with an image of an insane asylum flying the franchise flags of all teams but his.
Irrelevant Content Average (ICA) - Number of times drifting off topic X 9/particulate matter of mind altering substances in the room from which the post emanates. Anything under 3.00 is considered lost in thought, under 2.00 is irreversibly irrelevant, under 1.00 is blithering. Winner earns the "Transcendent Thought Award" ornamented with a boat adrift in a vast sea.
